1. Don’t take out a $500,000 life insurance policy and name her the sole beneficiary.
2. Don’t announce that you’re going to a strip club to “throw some Ben Franklins around” (unless she gets to enjoy a lap dance too).
3. Don’t give her your check book and say, “Forge my signature and manage everything so I don’t have to deal with worrying about bills.”
4. Pull the “erase” button off your Caller I.D. box.
5. Four words: Victoria’s Secret Gift Certificate.
6. Surprise her often at work and at different times of day with invitations to buy her lunch. It will keep her on her toes the next time she considers eating with that new stud from accounting.
7. Surprise her at work with symbols of adoration. Roses sent for no reason make her gush with emotion and this marks your territory when that new stud from accounting thinks about making a move.
8. Take her to a dance club where she can bump and grind, booze and snooze, letting her wildness loose. Don’t let her get bored with you.
9. Don’t try to get her into a menage a trois. It may be fun to watch, but she may decide she doesn’t need a penis around.
10. Above all else, KEEP HER HAPPY BEYOND REASON! A happy woman will share her badness, not hide it to share with others.
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