It’s a sad fact of life that some women who were tigers in the bedroom get frigid with changes in life, but understanding possible reasons for her lack of desire can make it easier to deal with. Now this story is a little heavy, but if you’re in the same boat I was in, you’ll thank me later for reading it.
My wife was diagnosed with depression three years into our marriage. Sex became rare, once every couple of weeks, then once a month, then once every six months if I was lucky. I’ve always been a very sexual person, wanting it several times a day, so I was tortured.
I toyed with the idea of having an affair but it would have been a lot easier if my wife mistreated me or denied sex as some sort of punishment. She did neither. There’s no guilt with masturbation, but plenty in betraying your partner.
I became depressed myself and my doctor prescribed Paxil. Suddenly, I couldn’t get wood if Cindy Crawford were spread eagle in front of me. Then it hit me in the head (the other head). The zoloft my wife was taking was killing the mood for her.
I place a high value on erections, so I traded Paxil for something a little less numbing. We got a prescription for Viagra. I’m happy to report that while I don’t get sex as often as I would like, I no longer mark the seasons by frequency of lovemaking.
Research reveals several pharmacological causes for low sexual desire. Medications used to fight cancer, treat high blood pressure, control seizure, and control psychosis can cause sexual dysfunction.
Birth control pills keep us from making unwanted babies, but did you know they can also cause weight gain and decrease libido? Sort of a Catch-22, eh?
There are also psychological reasons for women to lock at the knees.
Depression, for example, affects twice as many women as men, usually between the ages of 18 and 44, according to newshe.com. It can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, severe stress, grief, family history, emotional conflict or any combination.
Dysthymia is a lower-grade form of depression, often not diagnosed, that makes her feel sad, isolated, overwhelmed and unappreciated. She has a tendency to feel so unattractive and unloved that she doesn’t want to let anyone else in and often withdraws from sex.
Stress is not only a killer, but also a mood killer. If your wife is a full-time working mother, I have great sympathy for her juggling all those balls. She’s left with no time or energy to juggle yours.
Stress can affect her ability to get aroused. If this is the problem, count yourself lucky. All you have to do is help her with the burden and force her to get some rest and relaxation. It won’t be easy if she’s used to putting everyone ahead of herself.
I used to sleep with a woman, but when it went beyond simple intercourse, she acted really turned off. Years later, she confided that she’d been sexually abused as a child. I’ve seen other women in the same situation who become overtly promiscuous. I’m all for meaningless sexual encounters, but not out of someone’s trauma, ya know?
Prescriptions aren’t the only drugs that can kill sex drive. I’ve never seen the appeal of hard narcotics or heavy drinking because when you finally find a girl juiced enough to want a fun time, odds are good your own plumbing won’t work right.
So, what if your woman is drug-free and doesn’t suffer from health problems but she still doesn’t feel like a roll in the hay? Don’t fret. It may not be your small penis but her small self-esteem.
We’ve all heard how fashion magazines with their unrealistic beauty standards make some women feel as if they can’t live up to them. That may sound silly to us guys, but if a woman doesn’t feel good about her body or herself, she’s not going to be easily aroused.
Here’s a tip: Don’t click to this month’s Candy and tell her, “Whoa, she’s hot. Honey, why can’t you look that good?”
If she sees you admiring your Candy treat, tell her, “She reminds me of you” and perhaps she will buy it. If she asks, “Do you think I look fat?” whatever you do, don’t admit it if she disgusts you. She’ll go from hating herself to hating both of you. This is one situation where you have a moral imperative to lie.
You can also be the root cause of your woman’s dysfunction. If you’ve pissed her off, given her a reason not to trust you or you can’t show her intimacy, you can’t expect her to be in a race to drop her panties. Bad breath also hurts your chances so brush up!
The sooner you address the root of the problem, the sooner your sex life gets better. A trained sex therapist can tell you which of these causes are making your love life less than you’d like.